"The Bad Touch" is a song by American alternative rock band Bloodhound Gang. It was released in September 1999 as the second single from their third studio album, Hooray for Boobies, which was released the following year in the United States and United Kingdom. In most territories, the song was released as the first single from the album, as "Along Comes Mary" was issued only in German-speaking Europe.[4]
"The Bad Touch" became a hit in Europe throughout late 1999 and early 2000, reaching number one in Flanders, Germany, Ireland, Italy, Norway, Scotland, Spain, and Sweden. Outside Europe, the song peaked at number five in Australia, number four in New Zealand, number nine in Canada, and number 52 in the United States. The song was remixed by many artists, including God Lives Underwater, KMFDM, and Eiffel 65.
The song's video features the band dressed in "MonkeyRat" costumes with oversized ears, in numerous locations in Paris, (including the Place de l'Estrapade, Avenue de Saxe, and Champ de Mars), and the Eiffel Tower is visible in many shots. During the video, the band uses blowguns to shoot tranquilizer darts into the buttocks of four passing young women, then carry them away. They then use a fishing rod to dangle a croissant in front of a group of chefs, enticing them to follow. The band members dance around for a few seconds and then lure three chefs into following them. The band members swallow several mealworms before finding two effeminate gay men in a café, who are then beaten over the head with baguettes and knocked unconscious. A mime artist played by actor Jordan Prentice is captured in a net then thrown into a cage with the four women, three chefs and gay couple in a parody of animal-collectors capturing frightened specimens. The band leap around the cage, taunting their captives. As the song draws to an end, the prisoners are released and all dance together in formation in the street. The mime artist escapes and is run over by a speeding Renault 5 car driven by Lüpüs Thünder.
The uncensored version of the video shows the band playing with and eating a brown semi-liquid food, with the implication it is diarrhea, and a beginning which features them feigning sex in a doggy-style position rather than dancing as in the clean version. The violent capture of the gay couple is also missing from some versions.
Lyrics
Haha, well now
We call this the act of mating
But there are several other very important differences
Between human beings and animals that you should know about
Sweat, baby, sweat, baby sex is a Texas drought
Me and you do the kind of stuff that only Prince would sing about
So put your hands down my pants and I'll bet you'll feel nuts
Yes, I'm Siskel, yes, I'm Ebert
And you're getting two thumbs up
You've had enough of two-hand touch
You want it rough, you're out of bounds
I want you smothered, want you covered
Like my Waffle House hash browns
Comin' quicker than FedEx, never reaching apex
Just like Coca-Cola stock, you are inclined
To make me rise an hour early just like Daylight Savings Time
You and me, baby, ain't nothin' but mammals
So let's do it like they do on the Discovery Channel
(Do it again now)
You and me, baby, ain't nothin' but mammals
So let's do it like they do on the Discovery Channel
(Gettin' horny now)
Love, the kind you clean up with a mop and bucket
Like the lost catacombs of Egypt, only God knows where we stuck it
Hieroglyphics, let me be Pacific, I wanna be down in your South Seas
But I got this notion that the motion of your ocean
Means small craft advisory
So if I capsize in your thighs, high tide, B-5, you sunk my battleship
Please turn me on, I'm Mr. Coffee with an automatic drip
So show me yours, I'll show you mine, "Tool Time"
You'll Lovett just like Lyle
And then we'll do it doggy style
So we can both watch X-Files
You and me, baby, ain't nothin' but mammals
So let's do it like they do on the Discovery Channel
(Do it again now)
You and me, baby, ain't nothin' but mammals
So let's do it like they do on the Discovery Channel
(Gettin' horny now)
You and me, baby, ain't nothin' but mammals
So let's do it like they do on the Discovery Channel
(Do it again now)
You and me, baby, ain't nothin' but mammals
So let's do it like they do on the Discovery Channel
You and me, baby, ain't nothin' but mammals
So let's do it like they do on the Discovery Channel
(Do it again now)
You and me, baby, ain't nothin' but mammals
So let's do it like they do on the Discovery Channel
(Gettin' horny now)